Saturday, January 28, 2012

Did you know that...

Did you know that I almost moved to Texas right before I met my husband? I had been living in Utah for about 3 years and I was determined and mildly obsessed with getting out of here.

My main reason for wanting to flee this place was my loneliness. The loneliness I felt was at an all-time high and became so hard to bear. I never dated anyone those 3 years. Sure, I went on dates, many of them over the years, but never once did I hit it off and actually have someone. I didn't even kiss a boy during all that time.

I was teaching at Wasatch Elementary, my first teaching position, when I started the process of preparing to move. It began in March 2010 and by July I was packing up a rented SUV and through so many tears and feelings of frustration-I started out for Texas. I hadn't been there for even a solid couple of days when I knew it wasn't "right."

I turned right around and had decided on California. The plan was to move in with an old family friend and hopefully pick up a nanny position. That too fell apart undeniably. That dear family friend got engaged and I could understand the magnitude of impeding on newlyweds. Needless to say, I never made it to California.

Frustration and confusion were my constant companions. I didn't know where to go and what to do. Mainly though, I couldn't grasp why this was happening to me. Me...one of the most planned-out people. But alas it was happening and I singly had to work through it.

In the midst of it, I attended a sacrament meeting where the congregation sang the hymn-Be Still My Soul. The hymn says, "He will guide the future as he has the past," and "All now mysterious shall be bright at last." Never in all my life did a single hymn impact me nor speak such words of comfort as this one at this time. Those two simple lines brought such comfort and the realization too, that my past had been beautiful. My life had so much to be happy about and proud of. I knew the Lord had protected me and gently guided me in everything up to that point in my life. And, with the help of this hymn-I knew all things mysterious would be bright at last.

About a week or so after this particular Sunday, I took a trip as a nanny to Mexico. While there, I received a message from a teacher and friend from Wasatch Elementary informing me about an open position for a second grade teacher at a school in Provo. I toiled with the idea and decided, although with mixed feelings that I would apply for it. I didn't get that job but as a result I did get a job as a second grade teacher at Rock Canyon Elementary which is also in Provo.

Gratefully, I accepted this job but with such a heavy heart. I didn't want to be there. The first month of school was hard being that my stubbornness to accept what had happened got in the way of my ability to just embrace it. Fortunately, time heals a broken heart and I was able to accept and be happy.

I met my husband one month later. We practically fell in love that same day. I am so grateful that the Lord's plan is always better than our own. I'm so lucky that He loves me enough that he allowed me so much disappointment and frustration. Next time the Lord doesn't allow you to have it your way-smile through it and embrace it the best you can.

No comments: